Peeling the layers

        Yesterday, July 26^th, was a taxing day for me. I went for my first evaluation. We went over what we had talked about 7 years ago, and some things that needed to be brought out into the open in order for the healing to start. On the drive home I thought about an onion. The session was like someone peeling an onion, layer by layer exposing each of the layers to the light in order that they can be examined.

          Peeling those layers away was very stressful because they had to be brought out in the light. My past must be exposed in order that the healing and understanding of my disease can take place. I was spent, exhausted by the 2-and-a-half-hour interview. It was on the drive home that my feelings began to flood over me. First hurt, then regret, then sorrow. But hope came in too, along with the knowledge that Christ it walking right alongside of me. There was some disappointment, knowing that it will be at least 6 months before I am able to see and interact with the grandkids. But that is alright because Jesus will use that time to further guide my steps, so that I can walk closer to Him.

          It was times like this, during my incarceration, that the Holy Spirit would make His presence known in my heart. It’s hard to describe the peace that would wash over me. My heart would no longer be tossed and turned by the emotions that this sinful world told me that I should have. There would be rough seas some times. But for the most part I would allow myself to be still and open my heart to the Holy Spirit. Yes, I would have to make a conscience effort to open my heart. Jesus does not do that; we must open the door to our hearts in order that He can come in. And when we do, He is faithful. Coming in and silencing the storms that rage in us. He uses the same power as when He was in the boat.

          All the “dirt” that was dug up yesterday, I felt utterly filthy!!! And, as I said before, many negative thoughts were running thought my mind. But the Holy Spirit was there and came in to remove the curtain, if you will, from between Jesus and myself. His shed blood covered my sins, He again told me that. See, even for believers, there are times when we do feel unworthy to even think about Jesus, to even contemplate, the love He has for us. Our sinful nature gets in the way, clouding our thoughts and casting doubts in our own faith. But peeling the layers off our lives is how we can allow Jesus’s healing to truly begin to work in us and on us. We must remember that all along the way Satan is right there screaming that we are not worthy, our sins are much too terrible for God to forgive us. And we may, for a while, believe that, but the Holy Spirit comes through and silences the devil and his lies, reassuring our hearts that the Father does love us and cares for us more that we will ever know.

          For me peeling away the layers of my sins is the only way that I am going to find a peace. It will be the only way that I am able to deal with my addiction and manage it effectively. It is also how God will use me to express to others the pain and suffering that not only I have gone through, but also my family. I learned yesterday that peeling away any layers of my life is very difficult and painful, especially when my sin will affect my life, for the rest of my life. But peeling away myself also allows my Savior to enter in, in an ever more powerful way. Peeling the layers away will enable myself, or anyone for that matter, to lay naked in front of the Father and allow Him to begin His healing. A healing that many will never experience. But in my healing, our healing, Christ is able to use me to further His kingdom here on earth, giving me the strength and courage to step out of my comfort zone and share with others the amazing, powerful love that Jesus Christ has for not only me, but for ALL that He created!!!

          Peeling away the layers of sin also lightens my “load.” The load that I thought I needed to carry because the world told me I had to, “why would Christ carry anything for you, you are worthless,” was all I ever heard. I now know that Satan was whispering lies into my heart. So as I go further in counseling and treatment, and continue to peel away the sins of a past life, I will grow. Grow in my understanding of the love of Jesus. Grow in my understanding of His plan for me. Grow in my understanding of the gifts that He has graciously given to me to use in order that He is glorified. I will also grow in my understanding that my Savior loves me for who I am because He made me special. Made me to speak of Him and His ways to others in order that they too may gain an insight into His love, power, grace and mercy for them.

          My past, your past, has been wiped clean through the blood that Jesus shed on the cross for us ALL. Yes, it is hard to believe, but that is due to the fact that Satan does not want you to know any of this. He has power over you now and does not want to give that up. That is why he is constantly whispering his lies you’re your ear. But remember that the blood of Christ overcame him in past, when Jesus rose from the grave. And today, giving you the strength and courage to stand up to Satan, and know that the right hand of God is resting on your shoulders, guiding your steps in order that you too may walk in the light of His glory