Friday December 30,201                                                                  Thoughts of being His child

I have been pondering the idea that I am God's child, and that brings such inner peace to me that I needed to write about it.

How many of us, as we were growing up thought that we needed to act in a certain way or do certain things so that our parents would be proud of us? And with that we thought they would love us even more than they already did? I was like that, at times. Always doing things that would garnish a pat on the back, or anything that would bring a verbal praise from them?

In reality our parents loved us no matter what we did! It may have been a family bond, or a closeness that our hearts just knew? Some of us didn't have that though, as we were always put down. Always hearing that we "could have done better." So, if we went to church at all we may have come to think that God looked at us that way, even though the bible said otherwise.

So as grew up thinking that and, maybe, came through when we talked to our own children? Giving to them the same thoughts that we grew up with? At times I thought the same way. And so I gave up, at times, giving in to the idea that no matter what happened I was not "loved" much.

Well I am here to say that that is not how our Heavenly Father operates! His love for us is unconditional. No matter your past, His love is determined by what we do, or don't do. All He wants from us is to follow Him. Allow His correction to guide our feet along the path He has made for us. I did not find this out until I was set to go to prison. But when I did the weight, of all those years of beating myself up because I was "not good enough" was lifted off me. The light of His Glory broke through my hardened heart, giving me an inner peace that I had never felt before!

Allow me to tell you that is all Christ wants for you also. I finally came to the understanding of just what His death on the cross had done for me, and for you. That shed blood took the separation that we had had with Him, and brought us close to Him. Allowing everyone to be able to come to Him, through prayer, to lay our fears, doubts, sorrows, our sinfulness, at His feet. To be separated from them forever! To humbly say to God, "I can't go any longer! Help me Lord!" And He is faithful to do just that.

In Romans 8:35 it says, "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution of famine or nakedness or hanger or sword?" Then in verses 38 & 39 it says, "For I am convinced that neither death not life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

So in other words, nothing that we have done, or will do, separates us from His love. Giving up not what the world says we should do, but that is just what we must do. We can humbly come to Him and He will heal us, He will heal our wounds. The wounds of un-wantedness, past heartaches, defeats, sorrows. Christ dearly wants the past not to define your future. Our pasts have been separated from us by the blood that Jesus shed on the cross. He made a way for us to come to Him and be made whole. I pray that you will allow your Heavenly Father to come into your heart to begin the healing process, so that the rest of your days may be lived living in the Light of His glory and grace that He has for you. I pray that you will allow the indescribable peace of Jesus to overwhelm you. Overwhelm you to the point that tears of gratitude and the feeling of total forgiveness come out of you. And that you will start to live in that feeling every day!

Wednesday December 28, 2016

This time of year is supposed to be cheerful, meeting with family and friends for the holidays. For some, though, it is not. I recently had a nephew commit suicide, so for my Brother & Sister-in-Law and niece these past few days have been anything but. The days have been very dark. There are a lot of us that have very dark days and this time of the year is especially dark.

I, too, have had many dark days. Relationships are strained. Coping in becoming a "free man." Keeping myself busy. There have been days when I have groped around in the dark looking for the light switch.

It is at those times when I sit and have devotions. I read the stories and then open my bible to the corresponding verses and suddenly the Light of my Savior comes. Now this does not make me "suddenly happy and gay," no my day may still be tough. But just knowing, then, that God is walking with me does something for my heart. The darkness may not be completely gone, but I am no longer in utter darkness. Just knowing that I can go to Jesus at any time, in prayer, lightens the heaviness that I have been carrying.

Now you may not be one that readily opens the bible and begins to read. Just know that you can go to your Creator at ANY TIME, and talk with Him. In doing so He will begin to lighten the load that has burdened you. By going to Him in prayer, you are acknowledging, to Him, that you are in need of help, and in so doing, you humble yourself before Him. Jesus then takes you into His arms and holds you.

I know that was hard for me. Giving up, giving in, admitting that I was helpless to do anything to alleviate what I was going through, was tough to do. The world tells us that this is not "natural." It goes against what we have been told. But this world looks at the outside of a situation or circumstance. The world tells us we need to do it ourselves, no one else will help. It is a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps," type of mentality. But our Heavenly Father is not of this world. His ways are not the ways of the world. He does not think as the world thinks. And that is the liberating Spirit of Christ. He tells us to be different, from this world. To believe in Him and not this world.

Giving up and giving in, to Him, allows His Light to enter into your heart and give you the peace and joy that this world can never give you. His grace and mercy dispels the darkness that you are in. Now you may say, "Hey, dude, I have done that and I am still in darkness. My life is going nowhere and I have no hope that things will change." To that I have to say that you are not at the bottom yet. In your heart you are still trying to do it on your own. I too was that way, then I hit bottom. My life was shattered and broken. I lay at the bottom of the hole that "I had dug" bleeding, bruised and broken. It was then my heart was ready to accept what Christ had, for so long, been telling me. My heart accepted the fact that I could not do it, I could not put my life back together.

For some of us, myself included, that is what it takes in order that we begin to listen to His voice, calling us back to Him. For some, though, they know that they can't do it and come to Him before calamity befalls them. In either case, He lovingly brings us to the path that He wants us to walk. Know that He DOES allow us to fall into our holes, in order to get our attention. We have dug the holes by the sinful life we have lead. He does not like to do that, but for some, again myself included, the "2x4 upside the head" is what it takes. And in that there will be anger at Jesus for allowing it to happen. But if we surrender to Him in these cases, we can later reflect on what has happened, and thank Him for what He allowed to happen. We will begin to see that He walked with us through all of what we have gone through, and that will bring praise for Him to our lips.

There is evil in the world because of the fall of Adam and Eve. That was not in God's plan, but He did not make either one of them robots, doing what He wanted. He gave each one of us the "free will" to do what we want. He wants us to follow Him, but many do not want to, because the world is much more desirable, because of our sinful nature. But once we come to Christ, we finally see that His ways are better than the worlds ways. He blesses us for our obedience to Him and His ways. It is then that we begin to understand His love for us, our hearts feel this love and wants more and more of it. We have an inner peace that we have not experienced before, and we don't want to leave it! But we also see that this world holds nothing but heartache, doubt, fear and rejection, a place that we don't want to go back to.

I will pray for you, that 1) you come to Jesus before you hit rock bottom, but 2) if you do, that you will look to Him for your healing. By doing that, you will begin to see Jesus for who He truly is, the loving, merciful, and gracious Savior who died for you and me. Neither one of us has walked too far from Him. He continually pursues us, calling out our names, telling us to follow Him. Allow His shed blood cover your sins, which they already do. But, if you have listened to the words of this world, and think that you are too far gone for Christ to help, know that is Satan talking and he only spews lies from his mouth. Jesus died for you, and me. He conquered death, meaning eternal separation from Him.

Take time today to go to Him in prayer and allow His glorious light come into your heart, dispelling the darkness of sin and eternal death. Allow Him to heal your wounds and put you on His path to blessings, peace, and an inner peace. Acquiring them will bring about a change in your life, in a way that others will notice. And a life that will bless you in ways that you have never seen. 

Thoughts for December 24, 2016

Reading the Peoria Paper about the shootings in Chicago this past year.

I read of the loss of young life, due to the shootings that Chicago has experienced this past year, and the kids that have lost their lives to gun violence. Life can end at any time, and I think, "Were they walking with the Lord?" I am sure that many were, so in that there is peace in knowing that they are now in a place where there is no violence and blood shed. They are at peace walking and talking with their Savior, something that I will be doing someday. So that makes me reflect back on my life, I was not shot, but my life, as I once knew it, ended in 2009, as I willingly walked into the Federal Prison in Texarkana. My life as a "free man" ended.

The sinfulness of my former life, now, had to be paid. The only thing that helped me walk in with my head high was the love that Jesus Christ had for me. In the months leading to my incarceration, I consumed the bible, and finally saw what God had been trying to tell me all of my life. That His love and compassion for me was always there, even though I thought that I was too far gone for Him to be concerned for me. Satan's lies, up to that point, had succeeded. I was chained by his lies and had been carrying those chains, and the weight they produced, for the majority of my life. So the reason that I was able to walk into prison with my head high was that my Savior had freed me from them, He had taken them away, when He died on the cross for me, and for those victims in Chicago.

As the birth of Christ approaches, reflect back on your life this past year. Are you carrying burdens and pains and sorrows and sins, that have you weighed down? Has Satan been lying to you, be honest! The truth is very hard to look at. But in order to truly understand what Jesus did for us, with HIs birth and death, we MUST be honest with ourselves. To look truth in the eye. For me, doing that was so liberating, so freeing, I felt  the weight, of my sinful past, being lifted away. The lies of Satan came to light, and the "darkness fled from the Light."

By being honest with myself, my hearts door opened and Jesus could come in and took residence there. He packed my sins away and separated them from me, "As far as the East is from the West." And peace entered in. So the tears that came from that freedom and peace and joy flowed, as I suddenly began to understand the "Flow of redeeming blood" that Jesus shed for me.

As the New Year approaches, take some time and reflect back on the past year, be honest, was there an inner peace in your heart? Did sorrows and disappointments take their toll on your health, marriage, your job? Was there frustration that you could not make "better" on your own? Did your world fall apart? And as much as you tried, you could not put things back together yourself? Satan was lying to you! He told you, "You can do this." "Leave your wife, she is holding you back." "Leave your family, you're better off without them." "You are a failure if you can't get that promotion." If those things happened, were you, are you, better off? If not, can you see that what you listened to was a lie?

Just like I could not blame God for my misfortunes, neither can you. The truth, as I finally and honestly looked at eye to eye at, was that the decisions that I made were made because of my selfishness. Getting things that I wanted no matter, what or who got in my way. I had bought into the lies of Satan. But at 8:40 AM on Tuesday August the 26th, I saw the Light. God's voice trumpeted over the lies of Satan, God said, "Todd, I love you!" My sinful world came crashing down and I allowed Jesus to come in and heal me, heal my wounds, change my heart. His love for me, and what He did for me, on the cross, gave me an inner peace and comfort that I was unable to find anywhere else.

Jesus wants to give you that same peace and comfort! He wants to restore you, to bring you along side of Him on the path that He has laid out for you. But know that His correction is done in a loving way because He loves you unconditionally.  He knows the entire length of the path that you are on and the end that it will bring. He knows the trials and tribulations that lay ahead. And He can see the heartache that you will encounter if you don't have a relationship with Him. My correction was hard, but Jesus NEVER left my side! I was able to call on Him at anytime. And He lovingly corrected me and put my feet on His firm path, the path that He had designed for me, before I was created, by Him.

Again, Jesus wants that for you! So no matter how far you think you have roamed away from Him you are NEVER too far to call out to Him for help, because He walks right beside you day by day. Calling out to you to follow Him, allowing Him to guide and direct and WALK with you. So don't believe the lies of Satan! It is not an easy path to follow, at first, but by opening your heart to Him and allowing Him to show you the way, He is there when life gets tough, when you feel like you can't go on any longer. He is just a prayer away. If you can just get a "taste" of the love God has for you, and understand the "sacrifice" that Jesus willingly did for you. You will then see that the ashes of your life, can be made into something wonder. You will be refreshed by the love and compassion and grace, that flows from the One that created you and wants nothing but to bless you in so many ways.

So I pray that you will accept Jesus as your personal Savior, if you haven't already. If you have, begin to open your bible daily and take in the nourishment that comes from HIs word, and allow that word to bring you to a place of fulfillment. God can do for you as He did, and does, for me daily. By giving you an inner peace and joy that cannot be found in anyone, or anywhere, else in this world.

Here I am listening to Air1 again.

Crowder is singing "My Victory" and here are my thoughts.

Christ died for me! What a thought! So many times we forget that, especially during this time of year. We concentrate on His birth, and put why He was born to the back of our minds. During this time, though, we must think ahead, if you will, to remember why He was born.

God incarnate, in the form of a human, Jesus. With that being said, He must of known from early on just what lay ahead of Him and why He came. We sometimes worry, for days, of impending situations that we know lay ahead of us. And we stew and fret. But Jesus did not do that, even when death was impending, He went willing to the cross. He was well aware of the outcome of His actions and what the outcome would be.

I am so glad that He did what He did, not only for me but for the  WHOLE WORLD!! I am not good at thanking Him daily for what He has given me, but since the New Year is close I will make a resolution and start doing that. And you must do the same.

Jesus shed His blood to free me from the sins that bound me. He died so that I could die to an eternal death separated from Him. His blood flowed so as to cover me and my sinfulness so I would have the opportunity to live with Him in heaven, when I pass from this world. To live in a place that is free from sins and pain and sorrow. What a glorious thought!

Many think that they are too far gone for Christ to be able to help them, Satan has ensnared their hearts into thinking that they are a hopeless cause and that God has no love for them. LIES-LIES-LIES!!!!!! Satan is a destroyer plain and simple!! When he tells you that you need this or that, the pleasure from that will only last for a short time. The pleasure will give you no long term happiness or satisfaction. With Christ, He knows what you need, even before you ask. And what He gives you is everlasting, never ending. He gives you an inner peace that is indescribable. What ever peace you have had in the past. How long did it last? Was there an inner satisfaction that lasted more than a day or two? If it didn't, then it was not true peace. It was only superficial, not long lasting. It was because Satan lied to you and you fell for it. I was in that boat, and at times, I still am. But the good thing is that I (and you) can go to Jesus and ask for forgiveness. And He graciously gives it, not looking at what I have done, but wrapping me in His arms and loving me unconditionally.

It is not in God's nature to lie, He is only truth. And His correction does not harm, but lifts up, restores and makes a person new. By accepting Christ as your personal Savior, He sends the Holy Spirit to enter into your heart. By doing so you become a new person, in Christ, able to take hold of the inheritance that is waiting for you in heaven. Now I have gone through many valleys since my acceptance of the Lord. But God has never left or forsaken me. His discipline does, at times, hurt. That is because we are convicted by our sins, and the truth that Jesus speaks into our hearts so the hurts we feel is the shame of hurting Christ. Through this truth, He has spoken to our hearts allows me to begin to heal and start living for Him in a better way. No matter where you are at in your walk, I truly believe that Jesus continually calls out to you, calling you to follow Him on the path that He has made for you. I am telling you that Christ died for you because He loves you so much. Then, no matter what you have done, know that Christ loves you enough to always be calling out to you. To give you peace. Take away the sorrow and pain. Take time today to call on Him and ask Him to help you to get to know Him better. And remember that the blood He HAS shed on the cross has covered your sins, this past tense, because He has done it.

Todays Thoughts 12-19-2016

I am listening to a live feed from Air1. The last couple of songs have spoken to me. So here is what God is speaking to me.

The song by Manifest makes me think of my son. He struggles financially. Just keeping his head above the water. Gulping for air every day. He is a believer that walked away from God. He claims to be "Agnostic." I always struggle what to say to him so that he won't completely close his ears to what I am saying. I know now that my past life, all the brokenness, can be used by God to open his eyes to see what my Savior has done for me, He can do for him also. Manifest sings of never giving up, that what his mother had said to him in the past is now in his life also. I want my son to see that.

Christ has given me so much! My life has changed so much in the past 7 years. And God is doing so much in my life now. I continue to pray for the courage to tell others. But I feel that God is not listening, but He is. His timing right now is not for me to verbally tell others, so maybe this is the medium?

My daily devotions, of late, have opened my eyes to His word and how I understand it. The words have lifted me up. His glorious light shone from the pages. The Holy Spirit enters into my heart so that His peace enters in, giving me a renewed strength. If anyone reads this I want you to know that. I walked through a valley for 7 years while I was incarcerated. The valley of being separated from family and friends. But even then the Glorious light of His love for me shone all around me, so that this "Valley of death" did not scare me.

If you are walking through a valley right now, I pray that you will just open His word and allow those words lift you up. Many times, as this world tells us, we have to "suck it up and just do it!" So you do that. What happens? Things don't work out and you get discouraged and get down. Christ is with us always, He walks with each one of us everyday, all day, constantly! And just as He endured the cross and was victorious over it, we can give Him our problems. We can unload our burdens on Him, and He gladly takes them from us. I was like you probably are, "I am not good enough. I can't go to Jesus as I am, He won't accept me as I am now. I will have to 'clean up my act first."' I didn't and He came to me anyway! He came to me in my brokenness and accepted me as I was, broken and bleeding.

See Christ was us broken. He wants us that way so that we can experience His mercy and grace that He has for us, just as we are. Now you are probably thinking "Well yea, but I'm in a different situation that you were. I have this, or that, in my life right now and He won't do anything for me while I am in this condition." This is the devil talking to your heart! Satan is the deceiver, lying all the time. His only agenda is to knock you down and put doubt in your mind, not only about you but also about God the Father. He will beat you up without you even knowing that He is doing so. By just asking God for help. He then has the opening that He needs to come into your heart. Dispelling all the lies that Satan had been putting in your head.

Again, allowing God to enter in He can then prove to your heart that what I am saying is true. He can bring His peace to a place that has not known peace in a long time. Satan brings peace too, but his peace is short lived, only lasting for the moment that it comes. But God's love and peace will last your entire life. So, do you want to live in, and for, the moment? Or would you rather have the life long peace that our Father in heaven can bring? Once you experience His peace, my question will be answered!

The main thing with this is that you must be patient and allow God to work in His time and not yours. The darkness only lasts as long as the night is here. Morning does come! The Light of His Glory does rise up and fills us up, allowing us to walk in the freedom of knowing that we are loved and that He does accept us in all our brokenness and shame and hurt. The feeling is so liberating that you may feel overwhelmed, enough so that tears begin to flow as you suddenly realize that the pain and hurt and sorrow are flowing away, being taken up by Jesus's love for you.

Again, I pray that you come to Him, especially during this time of year to allow Him to take you to a place that you have never been and that you will not want to leave. By accepting Christ as your Savior you will never leave that place. And death will no longer have a hold over you. In Christ death was defeated. Of course we all die, but having the knowledge that you are saved and now live with Christ, death no longer has a hold on you. At death, all believers will see God face to face, and we will experience a peace that is indescribable.